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So, in a twist of fate it turns out that my spouse is also an NPE. We suspect that they were donor conceived (early 1980s). Does anyone with experience of research in this area have any suggestions for contextual resources or research paths? We have done an Ancestry match and we're building trees based one what we do know but there are no very close matches with trees so it's going to take a while to piece together the paternal line.

Does anyone know about where people from the East Midlands of an average income might have gone for fertility treatment at the time? How much did it cost? Would it have been beyond their means?

Hi everyone,

I've set up an alternative account to protect anyone who might be involved but I do use RC reasonably regularly.

I've researched lots of different trees in the past but as my own tree involved countries where it's difficult for one reason or another to get access to records I decided after much deliberation to do a DNA test. I embarked on the journey with the knowledge that there was a slim chance of a 'non parental event' given things my rather chaotic mother had said when drunk. Sadly, this has been confirmed to be the case in test results I received yesterday.

While I'm not devastated about this news as it doesn't undermine the very real relationship and shared history I have with my father I feel like I'm now harbouring a secret, which is not so fun.

I can't really approach my mother to answer these questions as she will almost certainly use this information to hurt my father and my sibling, both of whom I would like to protect from this information until I know a bit more.

Though I am not in a rush to try and meet or be involved with my biological paternal family I would like to know who they are genealogically speaking - their tree, where they were from, their names, etc.

I have a young baby at home and my head is absolutely fuzzy with all of this. I have a 580CMS match with someone from the paternal line who hasn't logged into Ancestry for over a year and hasn't replied to my message but they are the only real clue I have. I have some ~140CMs matches too. I suppose I would like any advice and guidance about how I can start piecing the puzzle together to try and make sense of this as it's all new to me.

GedMatch keeps returning "kit duplicate" with every upload for unfathomable reasons and I've tried deleting and re-uploading. I'm going to have to wait a few days for MyHeritage to be processed. Are there any other privacy-friendly resources I should be using?

Is there a good methodology I can use for teasing out likely common Ancestors from the matches that have been thrown up?