How much to push

[suttontrust]

Another of those dilemmas.  A relative of mine has made it her  mission to "collect" members of the family.  While that is a good thing, it has sometimes lead to problems.  I have "done" the family tree.  Recently I made contact, through GR, with the daughter of a cousin who the rest of the family had lost track of.  We have exchanged information by email, but I'm not pushing for contact details because I think that should come gradually.  However, my relative is now saying I should ask for her and her father's addresses so that she can contact them.  Has anyone else faced this situation? 

[alcrighton]

How about sending another e-mail to your cousin's daughter asking if she would mind if your "pushy" relative got in touch?  If she agrees then you could pass on her e-mail address to your relative who could ask for more information.  If she says she'd rather not then you can tell your relative this.  In either case it should get you out of the "piggy in the middle" situation.

Regards,

Al

[philipsearching]

Hallo, Suttontrust

Giving out another person's details without their permission is a definite no-no.  Your relative needs to accept this fact.

Al's solution could work out, but I would offer two other options:

1)  tell your "missionary" relative that you are prepared to forward an e-mail to the long-lost cousin, - this would give her time to think about responding.

2) pass the GenesReunited username of "long-lost cousin" to the "missionary" and suggest she make direct contact.  This retains privacy and gets you completely out of the loop.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best.
Philip

[suttontrust]

Thanks for those thoughts, Al and Philip.  Forwarding an email sounds a good solution.  Unless my relative, knowing the city,  has already found this cousin's address - wouldn't be surprised.