Sense of belonging!

[Burrow Digger]

My mother was adopted, and I hated her for it. I did not know who I was and despite her giving me details of her adopted family, I was not interested. I needed to know where I came from, and an adopted family was not where I came from.

Now that she has finally applied for and received her original birth certificate, our relationship is slowly being mended.  And I am having fun looking for a new branch. 

I am disappointed that her fathers name was not stated on the BC, but I cant do anything about that.

BD

[MarieC]

This really is a can of worms!  I feel a sense of belonging to my family - probably fostered by the fact that Dad's family was large and close, and tended to get together for Christmas etc.  Further, when I went to where Dad's family came from in Scotland, I felt a real sense of belonging - a kind of coming home. 

Since I've started doing family history, I've developed this sense much more strongly on Mum's side of the family also.

I don't know how I would feel if one of my parents was adopted, or I was - cheated, I should think!  Yes, you can belong to a loving, nurturing family as an adoptee, but those aren't your genetic roots, are they??

MarieC

[Hopton]

I have GSP family tree program and I can't add a partner unless I put her as a husband, so for the moment all I can do is add the child to the mother and put an explanation in the notes.
    I do feel a bond with my family who have gone before me, the best part for me is a sense of completion when you have researched them and found out from census and birth records where they lived and worked and then found the grave, I don't always manage to do this, but just occasionally it all comes together.
    Its always nice to go and pay a visit. I'm quite lucky in that respect as I still live relatively close to a lot of my ancestors and I can usually make it there and back in a day. I just spend a lot of my spare time wandering around graveyards looking for them!!!!

                      Janet.

[Koromo]

My father was adopted. His mother died when he was about 4, his father remarried a year later to a woman who didn't want the children from the first marriage. Dad and his infant brother were put into an orphanage - they kept the older sister probably because she was more use around the house.

The couple who adopted Dad were from a rural sheep farming area who didn't appreciate education. The teachers at the school had to plead with them to let Dad finish his primary schooling. When he was 12 the adoptive father died, the adoptive mother seems to have disappeared (moved into town?) and Dad was left on the farm alone struggling for the next eighteen months trying to keep it going. He eventually gave up, took work elsewhere ... and years later ended up at the Methodist Theological College. He was a very literate man, decidedly reticent - never talked about all this at all. I've only discovered the details since reading some notes my mother left before she died.

I know a lot about Dad's natural father's line now - back to the 1750s, they're very interesting and I've got involved tracing them, but I don't feel close to them at all.  As far as I am concerned, the father was a cad and that has coloured my view of his ancestors! However, I always admired my father enormously for overcoming his upbringing. He died 30 years ago - how I wish I could talk to him now.

Enough!

[MarieC]

Koromo

That's a very touching story about your Dad, and interesting that you don't feel close to his natural father's line because of your feelings about his father.  I understand that!!

I'm sure that where he is, he knows what you are doing, and is pleased!

I wonder if you have been able to trace your father's mum's line, too.  Perhaps there are less emotional issues in that one.

Thanks for sharing this,

MarieC

[Cell]

I have a question, Do other people feel a sense of belonging when they put their family tree together? Especially when we have old photo's to look at and see family resemblances.
     And in this modern world of ours where anything goes, how do we add and explain in our tree's when a woman has another woman as a "life partner" and has a child my artificial insemination?

    Will this child feel a sense of loss not knowing or being able to discover his fathers side of the family. I'm afraid I would feel cheated.
   Same applies for adopted children, which is very sad.

                         Janet

"I have a question, Do other people feel a sense of belonging when they put their family tree together"
Hi,
I'm going to be different here with my reply , but this is honestly how I feel;
No I do not feel a sense of belonging just because they are my ancestors - really I don't.

I feel a belonging to the people I know and  knew in person , my mum , my dad and my grandparents, aunts and uncles etc

I just enjoy tracing my ancestors  and  an piecing it together. I don't know if my GG G whatever was actually like in person, he/she might have been a horrible person in real life for all I know -  a drunkard ,  a wife beater etc etc - How do I know what these people were really, really  like in person, in their private lives??.

I  also get wrapped up in my husbands family as much as I do with my tree, and they are no blood line of mine of course  - I  enjoy tracing them as much as my own.

Some lines I can sort of "see" if they were a nice person by the movements they made ( for example my husband's great great grandfather - his step daughter actually named him on her marriage cert as her father - she would have known her real father as he died when she was 12)

"     Will this child feel a sense of loss not knowing or being able to discover his fathers side of the family. I'm afraid I would feel cheated.at the end of the day"

Can I or anyone else really prove the paternal line is true? My father may not be my father for all I know -  my mum may have slept with someone else. ( she didn't to my knowledge,and I  could never see her do that either  , but you know what I mean) - my grandfather may not be grandfather and so on. I really take the male line with a pinch of salt.

So no I don't feel a real sense of belonging with the generations before me that I never knew in person . I only feel it with  with the people I love ,know and knew , and that is all that matters to me - the people I  actually know , and knew , my friends and family whether they are my blood or not

 

[d.weaving]

That is a very realistic and honest view Cell,one which I would agree with.
Derek.

[CU]

I have trace some of the step fathers on my tree. One took on 8 very young children and raised them. When he died there was a lovely piece in the local newpaper from his step children and grandchildren, say how they loved him and missed him. So I think he has a right to be on my family tree,

[wheeldon]

Cu, I think he should have a very special place in your tree as he was obviously a very special person.


Also, we can never, ever know if the people we are researching are actually our blood relatives and I would bet that quite a few aren't.