Family - Do we have our priorities right?

[wheeldon]

My brother, who isn't into our wonderfull hobby, made a comment the other day.

'Why are you so excited about making contact with a third cousin, twice removed, when you have loads of cousins that you haven't contacted for twenty years.

Surely, you should contact all of them, as they are genetically closer to you.  Is it not more in interesting to find about and get excited about their lives rather than someone who died 200 hundred years ago?'

I was a little stumped 

Anyone, have any thoughts on this?

[CarolBurns]

Well you can tell him thathe had me stumped for a while as well lol

I read your post and did have to sit and think why I got excited about a 2nd or 3rd cousin when I have quite a few cousins that I haven't seen for a long time. Most of my cousins know what I am doing in my life and I know what they are doing as we keep in touch through Aunts and Uncles. I live 150 miles away from my cousins so only get to see them now and again. News is usually conveyed through my parents when they phone their siblings. As for my children they are in constant contact with their cousins by mobile phone or email so don't need to worry about them.

My research was started mainly for hubby as he knew nothing about any cousins - 1st 2nd or 3rd - so finding them is exciting for us as they open up another door to his family which he knew nothing about.

Carol

[linmey]

My son has asked me exactly the same question. My third cousin, who I met through RC has become a really good friend and we get on very well and I have far more contact with her and her family than I do with cousins I have grown up with.
I think this is partly because of shared interests of course because we have worked on our shared tree together, but also what I find great about it is that without our research we would never have known about each others lives and what happened to that part of the family. Without RC we would have passed each other in the street and never have known of each others existance. Our great great grandparents were brother and sister and yet we would have been strangers to each other.

Perhaps I am just an incurable romantic but its been a great thrill meeting her.

Linda.

[kerryb]

Hmmm that's a thought provoking one.  I need to go away and think about that!!

It is true to a certain extent, although I have a group of cousins that I am very close to and we usually have an annual meet.

Hmm
Kerry

[linmey]

Perhaps thats the difference Kerry. I dont have many close cousins and I rarely see them. We turn up for weddings and funerals and thats that. My new cousin and I make the effort to see each other because we enjoy each others company.

Linda.

[kerryb]

That's very true, the funny thing is the cousins I am really close are the children of my mum's older and favourite sister.  I have cousins on my dad's side that I haven't seen for years, my dad's family weren't close at all.

It runs in the family. 

Kerry

[sallysmum]

Another hmmm! 
I agree with Limney - the shared interests can hold not just family but friends together.  I only have 2 cousins on my father's side but because of a breakdown of family, I haven't seen them for over 30 years.  I have only recently resumed contact with my uncle and because of a lot of complications, I am treading warily.  If he wishes to reintroduce his son then I would be only too happy to make his acquaintance, but I will leave it to him.
I find it fascinating meeting up with distant family, whom one may have crossed in the street several years ago not realising a familial link, that we had descended from a common ancestor - that is mind blowing finding out how differently our lives have been shaped from the same stock.
Sallysmum

[linmey]

Absolutely sallysmum, it is mind blowing to find out how differently our lives have been shaped. My family still live on, and farm, the same land that our shared ancestors worked back in the 19th century in Bedfordshire so its all very familiar to me. My cousins branch of the family moved up to Grimsby and she has never visited the area. We certainly dont sound like relatives with our different accents. Again, that makes it even more interesting.

Linda.

[carrielovesfanta]

maybe if you haven't contacted your cousins in years there's a good reason?? I don't really get on with mine