Grave yard etiquette

[yn9man]

I wonder if those looking after graveyards are surprised by flowers appearing on long-forgotten graves.

I placed flowers on my gg grandparents unmarked graves several years ago. However, some cemeteries here in the US no longer allow real flowers or plants to be placed on graves. Only plastic flowers and only on the grave for a limited amount of time. A real shame and yes these decision makers are the same ones who agreed to take care of the graves. 

Along with the poor condition of some gravesites in some cemeteries the "older" graves are now so close together it is very difficult (if not impossible) not to step on another grave.

yn9man

[Jayson]

Just to stray from the original question, but I remember reading recently that a churchyard (London I think) was cleared of all its headstones and that some of these stones ended being used for the fictional graveyard in the TV soap Emmerdale.  Personally, I think this is really disrespectful and was so horrified when I read about it. 

Jayson

[MarieC]

That's really the ultimate in disrespect, Jayson.  It IS horrifying!!  If my ancestors were thus disrespected I'd be furious!!  As I haven't yet found where they were buried, it is possible that they were!!         

MarieC

[KathMc]

I too am a little uncomfortable walking on graves, but sometimes it is unavoidable. Wheeldon, I think your 4-year-old daughter's behavior in the graveyard is wonderful. My kids go with me also, and my 5-year-old daughter is fascinated by the artwork on some of the stones.

A Jewish tradition is to place a small stone on the edge of the gravestone, to mark that you have been to visit. I do that now with every grave I visit. This past summer a couple brothers, my kids and I were looking for family graves in northern New York. We found a bunch, and for one branch of the family, there were fresh flowers at the grave. I told my brothers we should stick a note in among the flowers, to contact that branch. We didn't but I still think we should have.

One of my brothers leaves bicentennial quarters (1976 for us over here) at my dad's grave, as my dad collected them. One time he did it and my nephew thought he was just leaving money for Grandpa, so he wanted to. Jim gave him a penny to put with the quarter.

yn9man, I've never heard of a cemetery not allowing real flowers and only plastic. Any cemetery I have been to visit here in the US asks that no plastic flowers or containers of any kind be place, but flowers can be planted or layed across the graves. 

I will end my long-winded post now. 

Kath

[aghadowey]

Kath- my aunt and uncle are buried in a cemetery in Connecticut and only flat markers (think have to be a certain size) allowed, so the lawnmower can just cut without going around the graves. A few years after my aunt had died her daughter and I went to find the grave- and it seemed to take forever even though we had an idea of where to look!

[Lydart]

The 'rule' here in Wales is no glass jars (sensible really, as the man who strims the grass could be injured if his strimmer hit one) ... but also seems to be no 'gardening' ... I can understand the graveyards dont want indiscriminate planting of trees here there and everywhere, but not to allow discrete annual plants such as pansies, marigolds, petunias, etc seems daft to me.  They die in the winter, and get strimmed off with the grass anyway.  I think one is allowed to plant bulbs ... I did it without asking on my mothers grave ... and to see the snowdrops, short daffodils, cyclamen, crocuses, etc every year, is wonderful.  

I didnt get to 'clip' and tidy her grave for a few months one summer, and when I went to do it, it was covered by a tall growth of those lovely big wild dog-daisies ... just beautiful.  I whispered to her that she had always talked of pushing up the daisies one day, and now she was doing just that !  

[MrsLizzy]

I'm hoping one day to visit the graves of my great grandparents in Padiham Cemetery, and leave some flowers with a note saying "love from Teddy's grandchildren".  We never knew our grandfather, and I wish so much we had been able to meet him.  He served with distinction with the 2nd Battalion, the Parachute Regiment, and I'm so proud of him.   

[kizmiaz]

Whenever I wander round Brighton cemetery, I try not to step on anything which could be a grave, but there are parts where the danger of broken ankles far outweighs the danger of offending any "spirits". In these areas, I try to only step on the stones round the very edges of the graves, just to be on the safe side. But I do often mutter a silent "sorry".

Anyway, what self respecting spirit would still be lying in his or her coffin after all these years? If I was one of the mortally-challenged in there, I'd be up and about or just sitting around in the sunshine enjoying the tranquility and chatting to old mates who "live" nearby. And I'd be laughing at all those living souls trying their hardest not to step on my bed...

Glen

[pete edwards]

Clint got it right

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdNh9f2Wwm0

Pete