Etiquette and Ethics of Genealogy

[KathMc]

Sometimes I am surprised at how close the ties are that fall apart. My grandmother moved her family back to where she was from after my grandfather died in 1941. The story always was that she wanted to be close to her family. But my aunt and uncle don't remember any of the people I mention, who would have been my gran's first cousins. It's so hard to keep in touch, but there's nothing like family.

Kath

[william james]

Hi all
I have been following this wonderfull hobby for over 35 years now.
When i started it was only me, i would plague the life out of the 3 cousins that i knew and my great aunt.
My g g grandparents had 12 children, and over the years i am now in contact with families of 8 of them, 2 other lines have died out.
I have one group on line ( though not on here ) and another lot that i write to on a regular bassis, when i work nights.
I take all my holidays so as to go to Suffolk where they came from to do research i go down twice a year March and October, this October i am going down with a cousin i have just meet and have been looking for for 20 years. And we are going to meet up with other cousins down there.
And then go round visiting other cousins.
Cant wait!!
William James

[Maggott]

When I started the search I had no relations at all - that I knew of-apart from spouse & kids.  In the last 7 years or so I've met some 2nd & 3rd cousins who have become friends & who I see from time to time.  There are still -somewhere- much closer family that I haven't discovered (yet!)  As Simon & KathMc say, you dig up some connections, exchange info & move on, but it's nice to know they're there.  The important thing, to me, seems to be sensitive to what the others want:  I think there's sometimes a big back-story about  starting this kind of resarch.  For myself I enjoy seeing where I fit in.  As they say, we're not alone...
Maggott

[chinakay]

I tracked down the descendant of a g-g-grandfather's brother who had emigrated to NZ. I sent him a nice chatty letter along with a diagram of the family, and asked if he would like to talk about our ancestors.

Apparently not...he never replied....

Bummer

Cheers,
China

[MarieC]

Very interesting to read people's experiences!  I have two fourth cousins discovered since I began my research - one found me, the other I found.  They are both in Australia, as I am, and I would love to meet them and chat.  The one who found me was initially very enthusiastic, gave me a great amount of very useful information - and has now disappeared off the radar!  The other one will respond to emails, but doesn't seem interested in meeting.  Ho hum!

On the other hand, there's a woman in Yorkshire researching the name which the first-mentioned rellie above, and I, share.  She is no relation, but she found me, and stays in touch, and has been enormously helpful in all kinds of ways, even ways totally unrelated to the name she is researching!

Just shows you can't choose your family, but friends are friends no matter where they come from!!! 

MarieC

[KathMc]

Just shows you can't choose your family, but friends are friends no matter where they come from!!! 

MarieC

Well put Marie. 

Kath

[Marmaduke 123]

I don't really think of the very distant relatives I come across as family, and I'm afraid I haven't much interest a developing a real relationship with them. I am happy to share genealogical information, and I like to know where they are located geographically, but that's about it.

Maybe it would be different if I had very few close relatives - I can imagine these distant cousins might seem more important then. I do think the idea of developing a real relationship is expecting a lot of people who are actually complete strangers.

Anne 

[KathMc]

I don't think I have actually gone out looking to develop relationships with the distant relatives I have found. I contact them to share information. I have been...lucky I guess, on a couple occasions, where I have developed a relationship with them. I too have a huge family, many siblings, nieces, nephews, first cousins, even 2nd cousins I have grown up with and am very close to, and it is hard to keep in touch with everyone. But it's nice to know there is someone else out there, someone who every now and then cares about how I am doing and I care about finding out what's up with them. One in particular is a wonderful addition to my family, as it is on my paternal grandfather's side. We didn't know that side at all and it took me 13 years to get beyond my grandfather's generation. This "cousin" knew many of the family and has personal stories to relate to me, as well as wonderful pictures she has shared.

I guess I'm saying, don't go into it expecting much, and who knows, you might find a friend. (Never too many of those

Kath

[MarieC]

Well said, Kath!!  I'm with you.  I come from a large extended family, and I do like to keep in touch with rellies, even the most distant ones, as much as possible.  If they become friends, then as you say that's a nice bonus.  But if they drop out of contact, I am a little disappointed, as there's always more family searching to do on our shared lines!

MarieC