Seniors

[adee7]

On the 'What song would you have at your funeral?' thread, Pennine expressed her concerns about seniors and I wonder if others have comments in that regard.

Do you know some older people who live alone and would love to have more contact with their younger family members, but those folks are 'very, very, busy'?

When a young couple I know bought their home shortly after the birth of their first child, they purposefully chose one located a few doors away from her parents who became handy babysitters and helpers.  They did not mind, of course, because it was their first grandchild.  When the second child was born, they willingly helped.

Now the children are grown, one is in university and the other preparing for further education. 

Yesterday, the couple admitted that now they hardly ever see those grandparents who are retired, somewhat unwell and in all likelihood, quite hurt. 

They still live on the same street.

Kathleen

[pennine]

Thank you Kathleen for posting this if only to raise awareness. In the old days grandparents were part of the extended family and did take over a lot of the child care. However, these days, in order to survive both mother and father need to work. Despite what the government says, childcare is expensive, yes I know, that three year olds can have five full time sessions at Nursery free but those session either start at 9.00 and finish at 12.30 or start at 1.pm and finish at 3.30 p.m. the rest has to be paid for and it is blooming expensive. However, if a grandparent looks after the child full time they get nothing! That is, if daughter or son do not pay them anything. They cannot even have the nursery allowance paid by the government.
Although most grandparents lavish love and affection on their grandchildren when young, as those children grow up they move away and contact is virtually l lost.
I have always made sure that my children kept regular contact with their grandparents right up till their deaths. My grandchildren come to me on a regular basis even the older ones who come and spend the night. Having said that, I am under no illusions. Youngsters have their own life to live but I do know that my five children will encourage their kids to keep contact with me because that is how they have been brought up.
Pennine

[~Rachel~]

My sister and I spent every day after school with our grandparents for several years while my parents were working. I still have a very strong relationship with them and call my grandma once a week for a chat. Unfortunately I hardly ever see my grandparents on the other side though - however we only used to see them a couple of times a year when I was young so the bond isn't the same.

I work for a not for profit organisation that helps elderly and disabled people remain living in their own homes - you would be shocked by the number of elderly people living in really awful conditions with no help despite having family in the area.

[adee7]

I did not know my paternal Grandparents who died in Scotland before I was born.  My maternal Grandparents were very much part of my childhood as we lived with them for a while and my Grandmother often visited us no matter where we lived.  And she was interested in what we were doing.  Shortly after my Grandfather's death, she became ill with cancer and a few months later she died in our home.

Our three children knew both sets of Grandparents and even now they recall with pleasure the many happy occasions we shared with them.   When the last of them, my Mother, was an elderly widow, my children joined me in helping her with her gardens and other tasks until her death.  None of us lived near her home, but we made the trips because it was important to do so.

The couple I mentioned earlier live on the same street and have to travel past the Grandparents' home to go anywhere, so I question their lack of thoughtfulness.  How much time would it take to just walk down the short street and stop in to give them a hug and say 'Hi, how are you today?' 

Kathleen

[LizzieW]

For many years, we lived some couple of hours drive from our grandchildren and although our eldest grandsons know us, we did not see much of them whilst they were younger (they are now 17 and 15) because any free time we had was taken up with my parents.  I think that is part of the problem nowadays.  Grandparents still have their own parents to care for.

One of our sons got divorced, so we saw his children every other weekend when it was his turn to have his boys as he only lived in a one bed flat, so came to stay with us as he had nowhere else to go with his children.  Even though he is now settled with a new partner, we still see him and his children (and his new partner's children!) fairly often.

Now we have moved near to our children and see our grandchildren, especially the younger ones much more frequently.  I pick up my daughter's two from school twice a week and the others visit fairly frequently. 

I think today when parents and children are so busy, the grandparents have to take the initiative if they are able to.  In fact we rang one of our sons yesterday (the one with the 17 and 15 year olds) and went over to visit them all and spent a very pleasant day with them.  Fortunately I suppose, the boys  still like staying in and socialising with their parents and grandparents!

The only one we don't see very often is our American granddaughter, although we do go to the States and she comes over to visit us with her father.

Liz

[adee7]

Of course, there is a wider issue here.  There are so many people who live alone and often are unwell.  They may not have family and they need friendship or assistance, but 'don't want to be a bother', as some would say.

Kathleen

[ozlady]

Two of my daughters and one grandson live 1,000 kms away. I see them as often as I can but domestic airfares are rather expensive, especially as I have to take Dad with me as there is no-one with whom he can stay. I have no sibs to help out.