"Not Speaking..."

[drodgers34]

Seems to be a common and recurring theme among families and generations. A recent WDYTYA reminded me it must be one of the single things working against family knowledge being passed down.

Anyone want to discuss or share family experiences ?

(What i'm talking about is the apparent feuds which spring up among families.) My mum recently said it was very common. even her two older sisters took a feud right up to one of them's death

[BevL]

Unfortunately most people for some reason begin looking into family at an older age.  You try to get young people interested and all you get are glazed looks...Yeah, yeah, sure!
I have found this to be the case in my family.   My family didn't take many photographs, so there goes some of the  history and as I came along later in life (the dirty trick they played on Aunty, as my mother used to say) I didn't get any chance to talk to grandparents etc.   Only had a great grandmother that scared the dickens out of me on the very few occasions we met!  Therefore, I only have what my mother told me and other things my sister tells me, but sometimes I find her memory is not as good as she thinks as she mentions things I have mentioned to her in supposition as the truth!
I try at every opportunity I can to get in touch with members of both my parents families, to see if they have photos or memories for me of my parents and their kin.
Bev

[kooky]

My mother was one of 5. She was the only one who spoke to all the others!
Her oldest sister had 3 children. One has completely disappeared, no one knows or apparently cares where he is! Her other son and daughter fell out when she died 25 years ago. They have not spoken since.
I speak to them both. He has a heart condition, she spends half her time in Australia with her son and family. I keep suggesting that she should contact him. They used to be close and I'm sure she would be so upset if he died before they spoke again. What can you do though?
My mother's brother had one son who died recently, he had 4 daughters with his first wife. They all have children. He died without knowing them. Through family history I am in contact with 1 of the daughters and 2 of the grandsons. I find it so sad that they never knew their grandfather. Apparently he was not spoken about!
Kooky

[Mum44]

We have a family fued going back to, I believe, the 1915 - 1917 era.  My gandfather was a Catholic, my grandmother an Anglican.  My mother never knew any of her paternal relations - marrying an Anglican broke the family up, all the children were brough up Anglican.  Mum's father had been married before and had two daughters, whom my mother only knew of -never met.  And although I have found grandad's family I haven't been able to make any contact with them.

[Eilleen]

mine is a right mess,
 grandma was banished by grandpa's family, they took over the raising of my mum, told her , that her mother was dead, not true,
when mum married and started a family her dad arrived with a doll for my brother who had just been born, so grandad was banished ,
great aunt's and uncle's were forever falling out,  so we ended up a real small family unit,
   I'm hoping this next generation bond better,  so far so good, and they all like to see how  the family tree thing is progressing 

Eilleen.

[KathMc]

My grandmother and one of her sisters didn't speak for a good 20 years, and then my gram died. Sadly they lived within miles of each other. I believe it all had to do with the care of my great-gran, which fell completely on my grandmother. Two of my mom's cousins (brothers) had a falling out over one of their daughters weddings. They didn't speak for years, until their older brother was dying. Thankfully they reconciled and the three had a chance to reconnect before the oldest died.

I also think my gg granddad had a falling out with two of his brothers. He never mentioned them to my mom or great-aunt, but he did mention another brother and his sister. I found out about the two on the 1851 and 1861 census when I started researching and am having a dickens of a time finding them.

That's all my mom's side. My dad's side was just as ... bad, should I say. I think a lot of that had to do with philandering and taking sides.

Kath

[stoney]

We had a bit of feud between my Mum and her brother and sister. It came about after my grandmother died, leaving no formal will, but a letter found in her desk and dated several years before her demise.
We lived in a large house owned by my grandmother, but apparently paid a regular amount of money each week as a sort of rent - in turn my Grandmother was looked after in her old age and my Dad took on all the DIY and maintenance as well as earning a living on night shift in a local factory.

The letter stated that the house should go to my mother, provided she paid her siblings and equal share of the price of the house when first purchased. Alternatively, the house was to be sold, a smaller dwelling purchased for Mum and her family, and the balance to be split between Mum and her siblings.

My uncle's wife as much as said mum wrote the letter and there was uproar. the upshot was that the house was sold, the money split three ways and we then had to find a new home, while my uncle and Aunt had a nice little earner!


They never spoke for many years....... and my mother died 18 months later. My Dad said the stress contributed to her illness (she'd had MS for 14 years).


Which only serves to say - MAKE A WILL!!!!

[Eilleen]

My friend and her partner made a will,
 then they married,
  he died in an accident.
 because the will had her maiden name on it,  she lost everything to his son's by a first marriage, who he had not see since they were babies ,  they had found him on gene's re-united,
she  even had to sell there home .
  Eilleen.

[Windsor87]

When it comes to fueds, my family takes the biscuit.

We do not talk to my Uncle or any of his family due to his lack of regard for his mother, my late  grandmother. The last contact we had was back in 1997. When my grandmother died in 2006, on her wishes, we did not even tell him or his family that she had died. They found out by reading her obituary in the paper.

My sister is getting married in May and the divisions within my family are clear. My other gran and her son don't speak. They have not done so for as long as I've been alive (21 years). They live just round the corner from each other but don't acknowledge each other at all. As a result, my other Uncle and his family will probably not come to the wedding. I think it has much to do with the fact that my Gran and granda are divorced.

I think it is a historical thing in my family. We feud so much that my great grandfather failed to mention to his son (who had no contact with him) that he had remarried and that my grandfather had a half sister. We only found out about her last year thanks to my digging.