Anyone got any family anecdotes?

[Sloe Gin]

I was looking at some old family photos with my 90-year-old aunt.  She picked out an older distant cousin:

"There's Albert .... he never married, of course."

I thought I knew what was coming, but I was wrong ....

"But he used to look after  all the widows in the village."   

[Ayashi]

I've actually sneaked on the home internet while everyone is in bed, but you lot just nearly rumbled my plan because I read this thread and started laughing 

[Sloe Gin]

Another gem from my aunt.  We are looking at a poignant photograph - a relative with his wife and small son.  Tragically he was to be killed in the First World War, and the little boy died of a brain tumour.

Aunt:  "She had another little boy, you know."

Me:     "Oh, that's nice, I'm glad to hear that."

Aunt:  "Yes.  She didn't marry again, though.  She had a Lodger."

[KathMc]

I can remember in the late 1940's/early 1950's when people used to save their vegetable peelings for the local farm to feed to the pigs. Children used to go from house to house collecting.

I well remember one day when they called at our house, mother told them she hadn't any spare as we kept them for our tea. Was I embarrassed when the little blighters started chanting that I ate pig's swill 

A few days before I was born, my parents went to some business dinner where t hey served steak with a bone. My mom asked the waiter to wrap up her bones for the dog and the kind waiter wrapped up all the bones from the dinner for the dog. When my mom went in the hospital to have me, she hired an old farm woman to come help with my 4 older brothers and the house. After I was born, my dad went to visit my mom and she asked what the boys had for dinner. The answer: Beef stew. 

[PillyP]

Our daughter Katherine  6 returned from Sunday school.
Our son Robert 4 asked what she'd learned.
Katherine, 'Jesus died and went to heaven but now he is alive in all of us'.
Robert, ' Does that mean he hasn't got his own body?'
Katherine, 'Yes'.
Robert, ' So what keeps his head and his feet apart?'.

[Ayashi]

Bless!

[billkent]

Some years ago when I was in the motor trade one of the mechanics in his twenties had to go into hospital to have his tonsils removed, just for a joke while most visitors took in grapes Etc. we each took in a coconut, strangely, a nurse said that was a good idea as it would help clean his throat, we managed to get hold of his tonsils from a hospital porter we knew, (an ex mechanic,) and set them into a clear resin keyring for him. 

[Thisty]

Whilst out on a driving lesson on my day my Grandmother was asked to stop the car by the instructor...

"Now Mrs B, could you tell me what a roundabout is and how you deal with one while driving?"

My Granny confessed she could not..

"I thought not Mrs B, you are presently parked right on top of one"

 

Funnily enough that was end of that lesson

[pennine]

 I once sent my son to school. I walked him so far then watched him walk up the hill alone, as I usually did. Twenty minutes later the post van came down into our  farmyard with my son. There was a teachers strike and there was no school that day and the post man found my son crying in the playground as there were no other kids there.
Another time, I forgot to pick him up from school as I had got a new (second hand) car. I lost the track of time when cleaning it and it was only when I turned the radio on in the car I heard Tony Blackburn saying it was ten to six that I woke up! I rang the school and the head master had phoned me several times but as there were no mobiles in those days I did not hear the phone, being outside lovingly cleaning my new car!
I don't think my son has ever forgiven me for that!
Pennine