Skeleton in the Closet

[earley-bird]

skeletons mmmmmmm
yes you do need to tread carefully with this one.
I jumped in with both feet and upset the whole family when I discovered after my Mothers death that my Mothers first born girl was born out of wedlock and the family had forced her to give her child to a barren Sister and never mention it again.
Fortunately my `Sister' (who had been told she was an orphan) had already discovered this `secret' at the age of 50 and hadn't dared tell the family in case it upset anybody.

I was so glad to find a Sister  I felt my Sister should know the truth at any cost but I hadn't considered how a 50 year old secret could upset my family so much.

[bel_jon68]

Earley:  It's great to know you've found your sister - some good has come out of bringing things out into the open, even if it did cause upset along the way.  I hope you and your sister can now enjoy a wonderful friendship.

RachelK - that's a really sad story, and just shows how much people can miss out on in life by secrets being kept.  I really hope that you can find your nan's siblings for her and some grandparents for your mum!  Good luck, and if you need any help there's always a RootsChatter out there...

Thanks both of you for sharing your stories - it's comforting to know I'm not the only one struggling with secrets!

Bel

[leagen]

One of my ancestors was one of the 4 men who killed Becket.  Is that nasty enough?  I couldn't kill  anything larger than a bug.  Another one swore a certain lady in Salem was a witch and she was hung for it.  The funny thing is that 30 years later the grandson of the man testifying and the great-grand dau. of the so-called witch married each other.  I guess time heals all wounds.  So I am decended from both the testifier and the witch.   Leagen

[leagen]

The only skel. I found in recent years was that I was already on the way when my parents married.  I never thought of it because my parents married and divorced each other twice and celebrated the first wedding date for their anniversary. They were only divorced about 7 months, I found out, before remarrying. They had my bro. during the 1st marriage and me during the second. They divorced the second time when I was 7.  All the other Bad things in family have always been known as we aren't ones to keep things hidden.  But, boy, are there some things I could tell you!!  My mother had a child who she gave up for adoption before I was born and when I was 22 a girl cousin decided she was going to tell me about it 'cause she felt it was time I knew.  She was very surprised to learn  I already knew .  My mother told me that when I was so young it seems I Always knew and I feel that is the best way.  Let all the secrets out then no one can ever try to use them to hurt anyone.  Oh, I found that half-brother in 2001 and what a dissapointment it was!  We do not keep in touch and my mother did not want to meet him, she said it was best to just leave things as they are.  Leagen

[leagen]

To Bel,  I think you should just jump in with both feet and Ask your parent what you want to know.  My father Never talked about his family and one day I finally asked him right out about it.  I said , "You are never going to tell me anything about your family are you?" and he answered "No. I'm not".  That was the end of that but at least I knew that if I wanted info I would have to get it on my own.  After he died I found papers telling his father's name and his father's parents.  We knew his mother but nothing else.  If you don't ask you will never know if maybe your parent really wanted to tell but didn't know how to approach the subject after all this time.  You are an adult now, the worst that can happen is the parent will get mad at you, but that seldom lasts between parents and grown kids and you may be surprised what you learn.    Go for it or your parent may pass away and you will regret forever not asking.   Leagen

[legs11]

Hi all,

I have an aunt by marriage, who has a step brother and step sister all had different fathers. ie 3 children - 3 fathers.  Her sister and her brother know about their fathers but for some reason her mother will not tell her about her own father. She has tried everything, pleading with her, say that the kids were sick and the doctor needed to know about any illnesses that may run in the family etc.......... but she still will not tell her about him. I feel sorry for her.

legs11

[RachelK]

Ok so I seem to be finding some BIG skeletons now. No wonder everything's so shrouded in mystery.

If anyone read my story above, I'm pleased to say I've found the births of my nan's missing siblings. I couldn't find them before because it appears their mother went by TWO surnames.

She was born May Poole and her step father's name was Moreton. Two of May's children were registered under mother's maiden name Moreton, and the other three under Poole.

If my theory is right, May was illegitimate. Her mother Frances Poole married her step-father Charles Moreton shortly after she was born, his first wife had died not long before leaving him with 5 children already.

Having found Frances Poole's family on the census, she had 3 sisters and 2 brothers. I found her older sister Hannah in 1881 in HMP the Dana in Shrewsbury! She was only 20 and her occupation listed as prostitute. It's making sense now, why so much seems to have been brushed under the carpet.

So far I haven't found what happened to poor Hannah after 1881.

[bel_jon68]

Rachel - it's good to hear you're making some progress, and great that you've found your nan's siblings.  It does sound a very complicated puzzle to unravel, and you're doing really well!

I too have some news (see my posts below about my  parent who was adopted).  To cut a long story short, I have today been told officially about the adoption!  And what's even better is that my instincts about this parent's birth name were right - so the family I've researched on the basis of this 'possible' really are my ancestors!!  AND my parent is keen for me to do further research...

Turns out my parent just didn't know how to broach the subject, and had in fact done research years ago but got nowhere with it as Social Services/Norcap weren't very helpful.  Just goes to show that, given time, the truth will out...those brick walls can be overcome!!!!!

It's been a relief to finally have this 'skeleton' brought out of the closet and dusted down, a tad emotional even.  But I'm one happy bunny right now   

Thanks to all of you for your advice and for sharing your stories.

Bel
l

[Rebecca Steele]

My Morgan side of the family (my mums dads side) is relatively easy. Its when you come to my Nans (Clara May Brenan) side (my mums mums side) that things get really tricky.

You see, she didn't know who her parents were. We have found in the school register that she was originally from 42, Danbrook Road, Streatham, but she was brought up in Bisley Gloucestershire by who she believed to be her Grandparents William & Lucy Taylor and their daughter Hilda, who she called 'Aunt'.

She often asked Lucy for her birth certificate, but was always told she would have it when she got married, but that day came and went and no birth certificate was given.

I have found Mabel & Alice (two more of their daughters) on the 1901 census, but this is as far as I have got. I've found no marriages or anything for either of them, and I'm guessing that Hilda did not marry, as she was still the keeper of the Taylors shop after they had died.

I have recently written a letter to a man, who I believe, is the son of Florence, another of William & Lucys daughters. I sent him copies of photos that I have of the Taylors, just so he knows I'm genuine. Unfortunately, I have not as yet had a reply.

When my Nan married my Grandad, they soon moved out of the area (to Kent) and she probably did not keep in contact with them as much as she probably should have done, and I've got a feeling this is why Florences son has not replied to my letter.

I hope that this is not too long and boring!

Hopefully, one day I'll get my answers to this mystery, and will be able to bury these skeletons (more peacefully) for good!

Rebecca