Skeleton in the Closet

[LancsLass]

Very True !!
I have a suicide..and i have a GtGtGrandfather who in 3 different census gives 3 different towns, in 3 different counties !!!  Wonder what he was trying to hide 

[Jacsel]

Maybe some of those unco-operative living rellies need bricking up a while, "ve haf vays of making you talk" haha!

[Susie1]

The trouble I've got, is I have no living ones left to do that too, otherwise it would have been a very good idea.

Sue

[bel_jon68]

The trouble with skeleton's is people bricked them up behind the wall's we keep coming up against.

Sue

So true, Sue...I cannot find any of one side of my tree because of one parent being adopted and said parent not knowing that I know...obviously, there's a reason I haven't been told ("it's none of your business", probably).  To cut a long story short, I think I've found said parent's birth certificate and the only reason I can find for not being told is that (a) birth mother was a servant and (b) no father is named.  No big deal to me, but might be to the parent who was adopted...?

Anyone any ideas on how to approach said parent about this?  It's driving me nuts not knowing...

Bel
 

[suttontrust]

Patience.  You could cause an awful lot of hurt if you insist on bringing things out into the open.  If you've got what you think is the birth certificate, pursue it without saying anything.

[Susie1]

Hi Bel
Difficult one this.  
I found out that someone's mother had committed suicide, wasn't sure how to approach this, whether they knew or not, and I really wanted to know if it was true.  So I sat them down one day with my notepad, and said that I wanted to fill in gaps that were missing in the tree.
I had a list of questions to ask about different people, where they were born, where they died, what they died of, etc.  This way I could ask about this persons mother, along with questions on other people.  
I got the info I was after, along with other bits and pieces.
The only problem you will have is if this parent has already given you false info, if that's the case, then you will have to tell them that it dosn't make sense and you can't find anything out with the info they gave you.  
You can also ask them if you can borrow all the families birth certificates, so you can make a copy for your files.

Good luck
Sue

[bel_jon68]

Thanks for the advice guys...I know it's a very sensitive issue and I certainly don't want to stir anything up - I think I will quietly pursue the line I've found and then maybe one day something will tie up with something else...what is puzzling me is why the parent has told 'outsiders' about being adopted, but not family members...

Bel

[SS from The Rhondda]

You may find that this person may really want to know who their ancestors are.
Perhaps they are embarrased to let you know of their situatiion.

Perhaps you could create a fictitious family in your tree, and say how much trouble you have had in finding out their information because of changed names, re-marrying, adopted children, etc. And that you wished that you could have spoken to these relatives before it was too late, then it may encourage your relative to divulge their information...?

[RachelK]

Much of my mother's side of the family has been and remains pretty much a secret. However seeing as I'm so inquisitive (aka nosy) I'm determined to find out about them.

My grandad was illegitimate and brought up by his grandparents, although he did know that his 'sister' was in fact his mum. He died when I was about 1 yr old so I can't ask him about this. Don't know any of his rellies either.

My nan who's still alive was also brought up by her grandmother. The story being her father died when she was very young, and her mother re-married and couldn't/didn't keep the kids from 1st marriage. My nan thinks she had 2 sisters and 2 brothers (we only ever knew the 1 sister who died about 10yrs ago) and that she might have half siblings from her mother's subsequent marriage.

My nan never spoke about this to her children, and I think only now she is getting on in years, she is trying to tell me what she remembers. I'm her only grandchild so no one else to pass it on to! It's difficult, partly because the memories are painful, and partly because she knows so little herself.

I would love to know a little about them, even just names and places. My mum's excited about the prospect of knowing who her grandparents were, as she never knew ANY of them. And as for my nan, I think though she pretends not to be bothered, really she'd like to know what happened to her mother after they were separated, and the siblings that she never saw. (Who might still be alive somewhere!)