In the highlands and islands, until about 25 years ago women could not attend funerals at all, and in my mother's home village the cords are still given to male relatives in order of closeness (eldest son, second son, brother, nephew etc). The coffin is carried to the graveside by all male mourners taking it in turns, with the chief mourners resuming their places as pall-bearers just before the coffin reaches the graveside. The undertaker hands you a card with your cord number, and calls the numbers in order. The cords are thrown in at the end of the interment.
When my grandmother died in 1985 my cousin Lesley stood up at the end of the service in the house ready to go the the cemetery, and was very quickly and firmly told that was NOT appropriate. I see that the practice varies further south, where widows and sisters not only now stand at the graveside but can hold a cord
