Could anyone help a newbie with a DNA enigma please?

[Ranolki]

I have discovered interesting things with my DNA results but this has me foxed!  My nearest DNA relative just does not appear in my tree and I can't see where the link is.  There is obviously some sort of illegitimacy going on, the person concerned won't so far answer my questions and I have no idea where they have popped up from.

Whilst I'm happy to abide by their wishes if they don't want to be in touch, I would still like to have a clue where to start looking by myself.  The DNA link is 351cM over 21 segments.  Could anyone give me a clue as to how closely related this person might be?

 

[Gadget]

Hi

Quite close - see :

https://dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcmv4


Gadget

[avm228]

In my tree that’s “first cousin once removed” territory. But the chart Gadget linked gives a fuller picture.

[Gadget]

There's also 1/2 1st cousin, which might explain a possible illegitimacy.

I have a full second cousin with a similar level.

[avm228]

I have a full second cousin with a similar level.

That’s interesting - my only DNA-tested full second cousin shares a mere 168cM over 4 segments with me!

[Gadget]

I've just checked ~

340 over 14 and a half sib of his is 210 over 12. That particular line seems to have very dominant genes!

I've checked very thoroughly 

[Ruskie]

A couple of vague ideas ....

Could you do a bit of detective work to find out enough about this person to do your own research to try to fit in to your tree? Have you looked for this person on social media?

Have you looked for mutual matches and contacted them in case they know where your 351 match fits in?

How long ago did you contact them? A friendly follow up and maybe re phrasing your message might yield results. They may not know how you both connect, so have ignored your message. They may know of or suspect an illegitimacy in the past, so may have ignored your message.

How old are they? “Googling” the names and locations of some of my matches threw up a couple of death notices. 

[Ranolki]

Thank you for all those ideas.

Ruskie I have a few ideas but I'm not getting anywhere!  I discovered early on that my paternal grand father could not possibly have been my grandmother's husband.  This came about again via DNA, I have a whole collection of nearish relatives who I had no idea about.  After a lot of poking and prodding, my main collaborator (Karen) and I discovered they all had a common surname in their trees.  Then, speaking to much older cousins I discovered a potential affair with a neighbour.  A check on the 1911 census gave me that same name.

My cM link with those various 2nd and third cousins is nowhere near 351 though.  The numbers are a bit illogical, as I can demonstrate. Other than Bernadette (the person in question), these are ALL descendants of the same person, EdA Snr

EdA Snr was the father of LA, EdgA (my likely grandfather), EA, AA and EdA Jnr.

LA was Eileen’s great grandmother
EdgA was apparently my grandfather
AA was Robyn’s great great grandfather
EA was Karen’s great grandfather
LA was Mike’s great grandmother


My DNA shares
Karen 140 (Her link to Bernadette is 364)
Eileen 129
Robyn 107
Bernadette (the unknown) 351
Mike 41 (although he has the same person on BOTH sides of his family

Both Karen and I have approached Bernadette and I've explained things in more detail in a second email. I'm thinking that someone who goes as far as to have a DNA test and then upload it to Ancestry has to have an interest in their family history but we haven't heard back and we wrote three weeks ago.  Knowing what we do we just can't see why these various combinations work in the way they do.  Karen and I are a generation apart too.  I could write to the other "cousins" to see what their link is to Bernadette but I think a reply direct from her might be more enlightening! I can't conclusively find her from an Ancestry search or Google/Facebook etc either...

[Gadget]

I think I would be examining the link between Bernadette and Karen very closely and look in detail at the range given in the Painter link that I gave

Gadget

Also did you consider this relationship:

There's also 1/2 1st cousin, which might explain a possible illegitimacy.