Finding a unknown father.

[TonyV]

By contrast I took a DNA test and attached it to a carefully researched tree compiled over countless hours and nearly 20 years (and not a little money!). When my results came in they showed to my great surprise and consternation that my dad was not the man who made my mother pregnant with me. That bombshell immediately made half of my online tree wrong.

So it then became necessary to work out which matches related to my unknown paternal side and look at any trees associated with them. The search is ongoing.

One of my main reactions to this news was to stop work on what I previously thought was the paternal side of my family, so carefully researched. Somehow it seemed then, and still does, that I had wasted so much time and money. I know that this is a bit irrational and I certainly don't intend destroying everything on that side, but this kind of news is very discombobulating.   

Looking back a couple generations when you already know that ancestors were illegitimate is frustrating but essentially what genealogy is all about. When it gets closer to home it is a very different kettle of fish. 

[CG07]

Have a read at https://www.danaleeds.com/dna-color-clustering-the-leeds-method-for-easily-visualizing-matches/ then consider working through the method once your results are back.

Thank you, a very interesting read. I'll most certainly be using this method, my results are now due to be ready on the 25th of this month. 

[oldfashionedgirl]

Goodness Tony that must have been a shock and very unsettling.

Talk about having the rug pulled out from under you, I can’t comprehend how you could get your head round that.

The only crumb I have in reply is that when I started a genealogy class numerous years ago the class tutor talked about people who were adopted or had not been brought up by their birth parents.

He said there were no rights or wrongs re which parents line to go down, to research the one that meant the most to you.

I realise it’s not the same as your situation but if the man you thought was your blood father brought you up and ‘fathered’ you in all but biology, why not continue. It’s not wasted work.

[CG07]

By contrast I took a DNA test and attached it to a carefully researched tree compiled over countless hours and nearly 20 years (and not a little money!). When my results came in they showed to my great surprise and consternation that my dad was not the man who made my mother pregnant with me. That bombshell immediately made half of my online tree wrong.

So it then became necessary to work out which matches related to my unknown paternal side and look at any trees associated with them. The search is ongoing.

One of my main reactions to this news was to stop work on what I previously thought was the paternal side of my family, so carefully researched. Somehow it seemed then, and still does, that I had wasted so much time and money. I know that this is a bit irrational and I certainly don't intend destroying everything on that side, but this kind of news is very discombobulating.   

Looking back a couple generations when you already know that ancestors were illegitimate is frustrating but essentially what genealogy is all about. When it gets closer to home it is a very different kettle of fish.

That must have been very frustrating to find out, especially after spending so much time on your paternal side already. Good luck with your further research!

[TonyV]

I realise it’s not the same as your situation but if the man you thought was your blood father brought you up and ‘fathered’ you in all but biology, why not continue. It’s not wasted work.

Yes indeed. My Dad brought me up and guided me into adulthood and a very satisfying career. I don't now think any the less of him, or indeed my Mum. These things happen in wars (1939-45)!. My biological father is in some ways irrelevant in that context but of course, and increasingly, our DNA matters in a health context, so I want to know more. As far as my paternal line research is concerned I had pretty much come to the end of the road in paper research so it will just be filed and left for now. Maybe someone else will take it over in due course.

[oldfashionedgirl]

Hello again Tony.

I was just flicking through Audible looking for my next listen and I came across this book which I thought may help you come to terms with your situation.

It’s called The Lost Family by Libby Copeland how DNA testing is upending who we are.

It’s also available in paperback.

I can’t vouch for it personally as just about to buy it but it does have a very good review rating.

[TonyV]

Thanks. I’ll have a look at the reviews. It is certainly a very strange thing to find out in your 70s😙

[CG07]

Funnily enough, I’ve just received confirmation that they’ve received it now. 

Ever feel like Big Brother is watching you?     

My DNA has just been analysed today and I’m just waiting for the results now  . It was analysed 13 days earlier than expected, so hopefully not too long till I get the results!

[CG07]

I got my results a few days ago, and it’s mostly what I expected. Still no closer to finding the father of my gt gt grandmother though. 
What baffled me is that I’m 5% Germanic Europe! I’ve no clue where this has come from, I thought this could be a connection to the missing father, other relations that have DNA tested on that side don’t have any Germanic Europe, strange!