How to reconcile with the past?

[nudge67]

Hi all

My family history has taken a very unexpected turn, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

When I began, my family were proudly descended from 19th century South Australian free settlers. I unearthed two convicts on my mother's side and faced some resistance in reconciling my family to that. However, the fact that both convicts were not murderers or rapists but had merely stolen from their employers to feed their families, and had committed no further crimes, helped with that, as had the general Australian attitude since the bicentenary in 1988 to be proud rather than ashamed of convict heritage.

But this week I have now stumbled on the fact that on my father's side we go back to the plantation owning Codrington family of the Leeward Islands and Barbados, who owned and traded in hundreds of slaves. Never would I have expected my family history to take me down this path.

I feel very conflicted about this, as it is totally at odds with my Quaker upbringing. I am literally losing sleep over this.

How do I reconcile this history with myself, and then present it to my family?

Any advice appreciated.

Nudge

[GrahamSimons]

1. You have done nothing wrong.
2. The past is a different country. They do things differently there.
3. You cannot change what has happened.

[CaroleW]

The past is exactly that - the past.  You have no control over what your ancestors did or didn't do.  You have to accept the way things were back then and not dwell on it.

We never know what our research into our FH is going to turn up so why lose sleep over something thats so far in the past?  I think we are looking at 16th century - is that right?

If your family were so concerned with your other findings you may want to consider how they will react to this news.   If they are interested in your research & it is documented - they are going to find out sooner or later

[Erato]

We all have some sketchy ancestors.  I haven't found any slave owners but I have found some sleazy, small-time crooks and, of course, there were a lot who benefited from the displacement of Native Americans from their land.

[Andrew Tarr]

1. You have done nothing wrong.
2. The past is a different country. They do things differently there.
3. You cannot change what has happened.

And above all, don't feel ashamed (or proud) about anything you find; it's just interesting !

[Cats1723]

You are not responsible for the actions of your ancestors or relatives. In my case I knew I had German relatives,  when I found them on my tree, I stopped there. I did not want to know if there were any descendants of this family and what they may have done in WW2. And so this branch of my family remained blank for many years. However my  German relatives filled in the blanks for me on a Genealogical site. Three of them died fighting for Nazi Germany.  They were not  poorly educated, naive conscripts, all were officers. The worst of them was an officer in the Waffen-SS. The only good thing I can say about him is he got killed relatively early in the war in July 1941. His mother was English and that's how I ended up related to him, his slightly older English cousin was killed fighting for the English in WW1. It has taken me awhile to come to terms with this, and it's not easy.  But I am not responsible for what  my German relatives did. And you are not responsible for what your ancestors did. I am however responsible for my own actions and words, so I try my best to treat all people  I meet  equally, regardless of race, nationality, color, creed, sex, religion etc. 
And that is the best  I can do.

[Ruskie]

There’s probably not one person alive in the world today who doesn’t have ancestors who raped, murdered, pillaged or worse at some time in the dim and distant past.

As long as you’re not continuing on that path, just let it go.

If your family are interested in their history and you are keeping them informed of your findings, just tell them what you’ve found. Alternatively, you can lie and/or leave out the bits you find unacceptable.

Added: Have you checked the accuracy of your findings about the slave owning families?

[Mike in Cumbria]

I would look at at it differently - your family discoveries are a microcosm of what is happening in wider society. Institutions like universities, cities,, churches, charities are waking up to the fact that their present status and wealth is absolutely linked to the former slave trade and publicly recognising and acknowledging the fact.  It's not a matter of feeling guilty about things we didn't do and can't change, but is a recognition of how we got to where we are now.

[Biggles50]

Eck 18

The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.
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Believe in and follow your Book’s teachings.