Close DNA match with no (known) family connection !!

[Gadget]

Hi  and welcome to Rootschat 

I agree with Ruskie. My Heritage is probably the worst of the various sites for ethnicity estimates.

Concentrate on examining the shared matches on Ancestry and MH.

I've managed to solve a couple of such mysteries in my tree over the years. It involves sifting and testing relationships.

It might be that you could have a double  relationship, so look for cousinships as well.

Gadget

[Biggles50]

Welcome.

First, take My Heritage’s Ethnicity Estimate not with a pinch of salt but a 25 kg bag.

It is probably the worst site for any Ethnicity stats.

You would have spent your cash better buying an Ancestry kit, testing with them and then uploading your DNA to other sites like My Heritage, the low cost of My Heritage is a draw but it is not worth it in the long term.

The high cM looks initially like a 1/2 sibling or an Aunt/Uncle, if your Mum and Dad are still with you have a talk in person with them, failing that talk with any Aunts or Uncles but again in person so you see their reaction.

Your Ancestry tested Cousin is c 900cM with your high cM yet c600cM with you so things do look very suspicious as to your family relationships may well not be what you think they are.

Shared matches, between you are the high cM can give a clue.

Agree with other, get family tested (especially your siblings) with Ancestry and upload their results to My Heritage.

Do come back to your thread as there are other possibilities.

[melba_schmelba]

OP, you didn't mention whether your Ancestry tests now reveal which parental side you connect on? Ancestry has this capability that other sites do not. The parental side may not show up until a month or so after your initial results come in. You will need to have an active subscription. Also you don't mention if either your father, or which parent of this person that you connect on is still alive? If either is the case, testing an older generation will get closer to the truth.

[Cimota]

As my posts are being moderated (which as a new member of the forum I fully understand) and a number of members have posted since I posted so information wont be visible to them / out of sequence unless they look back at earlier posts so I'll try summarise & clarify my previous posts.


I should mention that I’ve sent a link to this thread to my mystery relative so they can see your responses / advice.


- We have both done 2 tests - the first through MyHeritage and the second through Ancestry - both have come back with almost identical DNA match results.

- Unfortunately both their father and mine are not alive.

- I know they have matches on their maternal side (who I do not match to) but I’m not sure of any matches on their paternal side (but it could be that no one they know on their father’s side has been tested??).

- Ancestry shows 72 shared matches and all are indicated as being on my paternal side.

- The shared matches I can identify are definitely on my paternal side. For example my previously mentioned 1st cousin on my paternal side (10% to me and 15% to them) and a different 1st cousins daughter on my fathers side is a 6.4% match to me and a 5.2% match to them.



My sister has just had her results from Ancestry and the results are:

- we are full siblings (2, 728 cM)

- My sister also has a match to our new relative (1, 544 cM 22%)

- shared matches between my sister and our new relative appear to be same as mine (all on paternal side).

[TreeDigger]

Welcome to the wonderful world of DNA, which has a tendency to throw everything you thought you knew for a loop. Hope you have some solid support dealing with this situation.

This will be a matter of simple deduction I think.

You know your mutual matches are on your paternal side (double-check with your sister's matches). The similar match percentages with your cousin and cousin's daughter indicate an identical 'generational distance' between them on the one side, and you and your new-found family member on the other. Seeing how you're both of similar age, this suggests you may indeed have found a half-sibling. It will now be a matter of, as other posters suggested, trying to piece together both your father's and their mother's movements around the time they were born.

Be advised this can cause some serious emotional upheaval on both your mothers' side, as one has to deal with possible infidelity (unless this took place before your parents were married) and the other may have to 'come clean' wrt the parentage of a child.

Try to tread lightly for both their sake, as I assume they're not very young anymore. Also be careful to not push too hard for answers as they may decide to not volunteer any information.

Having said all that: I wish you and your siblings all the best on what no doubt will be a roller coaster ride of discovery.

TD

[Ruskie]

TD said:
trying to piece together both your father's and their mother's movements around the time they were born.

Conceived rather than born I think. 

Cimota, you and your match can probably work out a fairly accurate time that your father and her mother would have “met”. As your father is no longer alive are there any family members who may be able to tell you his movements around this time? Your contact will have to do the same regarding her mother’s movements. Is her mother still alive?

There may even be stories or rumours as there sometimes are within families. You may not wish to reveal any of this to your families …. so asking questions may not be possible, though you may still be able to do some subtle digging.

If you are willing to do so please let us know if you manage to solve the mystery. I wish you well.

[TreeDigger]

Conceived rather than born I think. 

Urgh.. yes, quite a significant time difference 

@Cimota

A good place to start in trying to find the whereabouts of both your and your half-sibling's parent at the time of their conception are the voters/electoral rolls. Online phone books and/or 'people search' sites can also be helpful, as some of them allow a (limited) view of members of a household.

Knowing some details may actually facilitate easing into a difficult conversation with a parent if you can present them with facts regarding their movement/residence during a certain time period.

TD 

[Cimota]

Thanks all

I would like to apologise to my mystery relative for using "They, Them, Their" when referring to them (it sounds really impersonal to me but trying to keep this anonymous). I also want to apologise for referring to their "conception" - it all sounds a bit clinical but I guess that's DNA for you :-(.



It appears that you chaps are strongly leaning towards a half sibling relationship on my paternal side but can I ask are other relationships still possible?


When their, my sisters and my my results are put into https://dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcmv4 it only indicates that the relationship could be:


Grandparent / Grandchild

Pretty unlikely given that there only 3 years between our ages :-)


Aunt - Uncle / Nephew - Niece

I have compiled an pretty extensive family tree and cant see any link to or evidence of family in London or any links to their family.

For us to be Aunt - Uncle / Nephew - Niece am I correct in thinking that this would have to be pretty obvious relationship given our DNA match results.



"Conceivement" would have been around 6 months before my parents met I'm not sure about their mums situation at that time but she was very young as was my dad. Their mum is still alive but I'm not sure if they would want to approach her about this. (I work in healthcare and know that in the early 1960's that pregnancy dates were nowhere near as accurate as now so it may be their mum wasn't even aware of any potential paternity issues especially given that she was so young).


Unfortunately all of my dads siblings and my mum are dead - they would have been my best source of information.

I did ask at a recent large family "gathering" if anyone had any clues about my dads movements around that time without success - certainly no family rumours that anyone was aware of.

I lived in London for a few years and my dad never gave any indication that he had ever lived there but that doesn't exclude him visiting London at some time (my spouse has half jokingly suggested Blackpool or Butlins as a possible link).


With regards to further DNA testing to get clear evidence of our link and given both our fathers are dead would the next best people to test be either one of their siblings or an aunt / uncle on their dads side if any are alive?



Finally they are positive that our link must simply be as cousins although neither of us can see how this would fit given our families having no known links and our strong DNA match.

I guess a question is - Given the DNA results between them, my sister and myself, is us being cousins a possibility (& if so how would / could this fit)?


I really am acutely aware that if this rabbit hole does lead to us being half siblings that the emotional impact on them is immeasurably greater than on my sister and I.

Thanks again everyone.

[Biggles50]

Full Cousins, that is unlikely as the 1544 cM figure is above the range of the data that DNA Painter uses in its calculations.

An Aunt/Uncle is possible if they were “Adopted” either officially or unofficially.  An Uncle of my Father’s was only 2 1/2 years older than he was so generational distance can be longer than most think it to be.

Now given that we are talking about a birth 40’s to 70’s when the UK holiday was in full swing so very possible that a getting together of “holiday makers” from different parts of the country did happen.  Various wakes weeks in seaside towns were certainly, well free spirited by all who were intent on a good time.

Probability is that you have found a 1/2 sibling, or an Aunt/Uncle and they may well have been “Adopted” as could a 1/2 sibling.

We Roots chatters are sceptical about Ethnicity Estimates but in your case the Ethnicity of your match can give a clue, which to me the most likely conclusion being that your Dad spread his oats hence you have a 1/2 sibling.