Ohhhhh! What should I do?

[indiapaleale]

Hi All,
While I was cruising the internet yesterday, looking for some dead rellies, I came across a web page that has part of my family tree posted. (Grandmother's side) I was most interested as I have compiled quite a bit of data from that side. Wellllllll.......while some of the tree seems OK, there are parts that are WRONG....not just wrong but HORRIBLY WRONG and I have the birth and marriage certificates to prove it! Na....Na...Na...!

My problem is..should I write to the owner of the website and tell her that she's messed it all up? She seems a bit fragile as she has dedicated her website to her late father and writes about her connection to him and his ancestors.

I think I should just leave things alone. BUT...it's bugging me.

Advise welcome
India in Sunny California

[trystan]

I've taken the liberty to modify your post to include a poll,which I hope will help you.

It's a difficult one for you. Sometimes it's better to act out of love rather than truth, but there again, if you can show the truth in love, then even better.

Trystan
PS I voted "Yes" but feel free to ignore it!!

[moscan]

I agree with Trystan, telling her gently may be the best thing to do... giving her the confirmed information for her site may actually help her in the long run.  I am sure that she would be delighted to hear from another rele and to get the certified information would be marvellous...

Mo

[Kazza]

Hi,

You are lovely worrying about her feelings,  but I would still tell her.  Gently,  though.  Offer her your information as proof,  but if she declines the help,  which she may,  you will have to accept it and leave her to it.

Some people are very possessive about their ancestors,  and she may believe she knows best.  If,  on the other hand,  she is grateful for your input you both will have met a rellie,  and may be able to help each other.

So,  I think you have nothing to lose,  go for it. 

Kazza.

[nutkin]

I agree with all the above messages.  Possibley let her know that you are related and let her know you have some materials that you can share that she might not have.  You can email her scans of the documents or photos copies and then let the person come to the same conclusion you did about the data.  In that way, she "discovers" the answer on her own.  She may be quite happy to meet another person researching the same line.- Kristin

[RJ_Paton]

I too agree with the other messages. I would concentrate on the positive side of things, if you got in contact, providing copies of your proofs for all of the relatives and "allow" her to form her own conclusions.

[dinkey]

I also voted Yes.

Ignorance may be bliss sometime but I think not in this case. Like the others have already said if you let her have copies of what you have and compare notes as to where she has gone wrong I am sure she will be pleased to have the information. After all, if she has dedicated the website to her late father he obviously meant a lot to her and I feel that on that basis alone she would want the information on his ancestors to be correct.

I think she woiuld be pleased to hear from you as it will also give her the chance to talk about her father and the link you have with his family.

regards

dinkey

[trish251]

I don't think I would include the Na...Na...Na  in the advice but otherwise I would write to the person. The first time I did this (there was only one branch incorrect) I met a 4th cousin one removed, who has been a marvellous help to me with my family tree. He had done such detailed research - it took me awhile to prove my branch (I had info in a family bible) - but we then became friends & I have received 10 fold the information in return.

I have never received a reply to my second attempt. Some websites are old and are no longer updated, so perhaps the email is no longer used and/or the person is no longer interested.

Trish

Trish

[Fitty]

I voted yes.   You should tell her for your own piece of mind. 

I had a simialr thing happen and the person seemed quiet pleased that i'd sent her copies of the wedding cert and subsequent Birth certs.  The gentleman in question was my G X 2 Grandfather who she shares but somehow had him marrying a judges daughter and moving off to Canada.  In reality, he stayed put in the village where he was born being a Ag Lab until the 1881 Census and was a Road Labourer. 

Maybe she thought him marrying a Judges daughter looked better because i never heard from her again.