Birth Registrations... a Rant...

[*sparkle*]

I'm a bit annoyed, so please excuse me for letting off some steam in here..

To cut a long and complicated story short, My partner's nephew has recently become a father.... and he wants to be a full on committed father but the mother has left him... nobody else is involved...

The mother has decided that his name is not to go on the birth certificate.... and I think we know the implications of this...

My general question is; why on earth are unmarried mothers encouraged not to put the father's name on the certificate?

I remember when my son was born 3 years ago, I was told 'you will have more rights if you don't put the father's name down'
And you are told this when you are feeling vulnerable and on your own, not long after you have given birth... no wonder a lot of mothers think its a good idea at the time.... grrrrrrrrrrr

*rant over*

*but open to any advice I could pass on to him*

Tx

[BumbleB]

Being old and decrepit, and getting more cynical by the day  it would appear to be the way of the world - or at least in Britain!!  Milk the situation as much as you can, as far as the mother is concerned, BUT on the other hand she might be the loser!  If he is not named as the father, then can he be sued for maintenance if she has refused to acknowledge his existence, after all he did make the offer?  In the long run he may be better off and have got off lightly, although I do very much sympathise with him if he is prepared to stand by his child!!  As I said a very cynical view, and probably of not much use    In fact, probably another rant 

BumbleB

[James1950]

There are many misunderstandings about the issues you raise. If parents are unmarried the mother automatically has what is known under the Children Act  as Parental Responsibilty. The unmarried father does not have Parental Responsibilty if his name is not on the birth certificate. If the parents are married both parents automatically have Parental Responsibility. An unmarried father may apply  to the court for Parental Responsibility. Parental Responsibility gives a parent the right to make decisions for the child such as his religion education  residence and medical treatment. Where both parents have Parental Responsibilty but cannot agree about a specific issue the Court can make the decision for them. The Court can make a contact order if necessary.  Liability to maintain a child exists whether or not the name is on the birth certificate
As an alternative to making an application to Court there are many mediation schemes out there operated by specialist family law solicitors. The emphasis of the Court and any mediators is to act in the childs interests. Any animosity between the parents and their relatives will not assist. The child is entitled to the happiest possible childhood and this is usually achieved by both parents working together. Sensible conciliatory discussion between the parents is the first step.

[*sparkle*]

Thanks for this; he is taking a softly softly approach as he WANTS a relationship with his child. He is paying over the odds maintenance too which is his choice.
If courts became involved I think it would become very messy....

But I was more upset by the fact that you are encouraged by the ladies giving you the forms NOT to put the father's name on the certificate, even though there is a father present and willing.....

Tx

[Shropshire Lass]

Thanks for this; he is taking a softly softly approach as he WANTS a relationship with his child. He is paying over the odds maintenance too which is his choice.
If courts became involved I think it would become very messy....

I hope he's doing this by some method that shows up, eg cheques, and not with cash.  It's not unknown for a mother to go to the CSA and claim that the father hasn't paid anything.  He then gets a back-dated claim for money he has already paid.  Forewarned is forearmed.

I agree with you about the birth certificate.  Why should a mother have the right to exclude the child's father? 

[Nick29]

I think there is a certain amont of irony in a culture that doesn't want to commit to putting their names on marriage licences, but worries about names on birth certificates.

[*sparkle*]

I think there is a certain amont of irony in a culture that doesn't want to commit to putting their names on marriage licences, but worries about names on birth certificates.

I was going to have a reaction to this as its a bit close to the bone, but maybe you are right, maybe it is ironic.......

But regardless of peoples views on marriage, I would love it to be the child's right to have both their parents named on their birth certificate!

Tx

[*sparkle*]

I hope he's doing this by some method that shows up, eg cheques, and not with cash.  It's not unknown for a mother to go to the CSA and claim that the father hasn't paid anything.  He then gets a back-dated claim for money he has already paid.  Forewarned is forearmed.

Yes all in hand and paid in an accountable way. Thank you.

[sarahsean]

I just wanted to say i hope it all works out ok in the end for your son and that he is able to develop a good relationship with his child.  My father died when i was six years old and i miss him terribly even though it is now nearly 30 years ago. I would have loved to have had a proper relationship with him and even though i have a lovely husband and family of my own.

Regards
Sarah