Why do my offers of help seem to be rejected?

[Davedrave]

Consious of the fact that I have received much generous help over the years on RootsChat, I try to offer help where I can, which is not often, since I’m not very good at the lateral thinking in family history that many RootsChat helpers are so good at.

Recently, I happened upon a family tree of Ancestry, which looked quite well-researched, and was backed up with documentation and annotations which suggested that its creator was not simply a name collector. I therefore sent them an Ancestry pm:

“Hi -, I came across your family tree containing - - who married - -. You seem to have been misled, as was I, by the records available online on his parentage. I spent ages constructing the wrong tree for him. If you would like me to let you have the correct info, please let me know, and I’d be happy to do so. The info isn’t avaiable online (only in my local record office). I’m only approaching you in this way because the annotations in your tree suggest to me that you take family history seriously, and aren’t just a ‘name collector’.

Regards, Dave”

Subsequently, I supplied images (not simply transcriptions) of the documents I had (following generous help on RC) located in the record office. The tree owner altered their tree accordingly, but has subsequently removed her alterations, and is awaiting further “proof” of my “claims”, (whatever that “proof could be, beyond the pretty-much definitive evidence I have already supplied, it is difficult to know.)

On a separate occasion recently, I contacted a distant cousin I had managed to find. I eventually heard from his sister (he had passed on my message, not himself being interested in FH). She claimed to be interested in FH, and to have a lot of knowledge of her maternal ancestry, but very little of her paternal. We had quite a long and (I thought) interesting conversation, and I offered to let her have the Google Drive link to my pretty comprehensive history pdf of my surname line, which contains her paternal ancestry. However, because she seems to be super-cautious about online security, it seems extremely unlikely that she’ll be taking me up on my offer. It seems a shame, because her branch of the family seems especially interesting, and she knows so little of it.

Why am I having such a job to GIVE my info away? It is frustrating. I have no children to leave any of my FH to, and am only too happy to share what I have with anyone with a genuine interest, and yet I can’t even give the stuff away!

Dave

[Marmalady]

It might happen in time!

Not long after I started researching my husband's tree, I sent a copy of what I had learnt so far to various family members including his mother's elderly cousin, and said I would be grateful for any other information they knew about the family.
I heard nothing from the cousin -- just put it down to he had no interest in family history.

About 15 years later, I was contacted by his nephew who had been given the papers I had sent  -- the nephew had started to research his tree so was very grateful for the starting point! By this time, I had of course got a lot further with the family so was able to pass more information on. We are now in regular contact

[Biggles50]

It happens.

I had part of my tree well documented a few years ago as I was helping a 3rd Cousin who had contacted me and who could not resolve her tree.

I had her issue resolved in my tree so just passed the info to her and suggested she double check everything, which she did and was a happy bunny with all the docs and citations validated the branch.

Roll on 5 years and one of my new DNA matches who was already in my tree showed but the branch on her tree went down a line in east Lancashire and not down the Cheshire line as was the case.

Hence this DNA Cousin was well off the mark with her research, I am still waiting for a thank you even though I did send her images of her actual Great Grandparents and suggest that a certain person in her tree was actually born in Cheshire.

[SouthseaSteel]

Dont worry, youre not being picked on!!  As we all know common sense is not so common!!

Our modern society finds it easier to just say no to everything including any advice on genealogical matters.  Anything else requires thought, effort and risk

 

[Andrew Tarr]

Every so often a new thread pops up on this topic.  I trained as a scientist, so I learnt the approach that while I may be happy with my own results someone else's may (one day) prove them wrong.  Luckily my own tree contains mostly people with unusual surnames so I am satisfied with my searches, and try to maximise internal consistency.

Unfortunately self-righteousness seems to be an increasing trend these days, and many people prefer to believe what they want to believe, and may not happily accept others' suggestions that they may be mistaken.  Usually I don't bother trying to correct those views.

[Annie65115]

It can be very frustrating, I agree. But ultimately I've learned not too offer too much unless and until I'm sure that the other person is actually receptive to the information.

Like you, davedrave, I've got a lot of family history documents which aren't available online (and may never be, given the nature of some of them). These didn't just fall into my lap, and in some instances they didn't come free either. Finding them, either by hard work or lucky happenstance, has added to their value in my eyes. But of course other people may not see them in the same light; and may not value them particularly if they've been handed to them on a plate by a stranger on the internet.

So now I will happily point people in certain directions online for information; if I've a spare evening I will enjoy helping on a RC thread, if I can, just as I would enjoy doing a crossword puzzle. But I don't offer, or hand over, some of those precious hard-sought not-on-the-internet items willy-nilly. I've been burned too many times. (Though it's always good to share info with other experienced RCers whose names I recognise and whose experience and knowledge comes across on the boards - I've had some great info on here and I'm happy to offer what I can in return to such people).

And you know, if you offer someone a lot of information and they choose to dismiss it when you KNOW that it's correct, you just have to remind yourself that it's their loss! Don't invest the mental energy on people who don't deserve it! (easier said than done though, I know!)

[coombs]

Some are just as stubborn as a mule and will not accept even definitive proof that what you researched is correct. Their loss though.

[Zaphod99]

Many people prefer to be wrong than corrected.

Mrs. Zaph

[Erato]

Who knows?  Recently, I had contact with a person who is helping his cousin with her family tree.  I am quite closely related to the cousin, and I have a lot of information and photos which I am more than willing to share.  My contact reported that his cousin was excited and wanted to learn more.  He suggested a Zoom meeting.  I said no to the Zoom meeting and that I preferred email.  I sent them my address,  but they never got back to me.  Apparently for them, it's Zoom or nothing.  It's their loss.