I have a merchant seaman ancestor who just disappeared, no death certificate in GRO records.
I think it depends on when he died. In the 1850s I'm not sure how it worked, but by the 1880s, if a ship disappeared, the last crewlist they handed over would be used to notify the authorities back home of the likely dead. If it was a British ship he was on, they were obliged to notify the authorities, but I don't know when that started. Have you accessed the crew agreement for ship you're looking into? (the Newfoundland archives hold most of them, or you may be luck and find them in the NMM in London, if the year of loss ended in a 0 or a 5).
I wondered if anyone knows how family were informed if a seaman died?
I think often the family would get an inkling before it was confirmed, that something was wrong. I think it took so long to get official confirmation, that they usually just put two together when thier loved one didn't arrive home after a certain length of time. After that, notices of shipping losses, or missing ships were posted at local shipping offices regularly, after Lloyds (the main underwriters) posted it's lists of missing/lost ships,. These appeared in the newspapers.
The widow couldn't read and the children were small, so a letter wouldn't have been an option.
They may not have been able to read themselves, but someoone would have been able to locally (preists, local business people and such like). So if they got a letter, they'd just ask someone to read it to them - although in such circumstances, I'd imagine they'd suspect there was a problem as soon as the recieved a letter.. But news of a local loss would've spread fast on the local grapevine anyway. In my opinion, these were widespread 'communities', with a global grapevine much like twitter is today! And if someone they knew was headed somewhere, and didn't arrive, the family probably knew about it before the authorities did.
The men wouldn't necessarily have signed on in their home port so I have wondered about this.Also how were seamen paid?
Again, I don't know about the 1850s, but by the 1870s, crew agreements would be lodged in the port of departure and used if a loss was incured (for insurance purposes I'd imagine). And I know from my own research that a proportion of the seaman's wage could have been paid directly to wives at the local shipping office. (I have at least one family member who did that). But I think it was something the mariner would have to 'set up', I don't think it was done automatically.
I know by 1875 telegraph was being used to 'wire' local shipping offices of shipping movements and of observations made by vessels en route (if they saw suspicious debris, say, or if they passed other vessels en route). But again, I don't know when that started.
Don't know if any of that was any use, just my opinion based on my own research in to my many merchan mariners.